I hope you enjoy — and pass along — this talk I gave at the Thrive Transylvania event. It feels to me like a topic that could help many in these times.
Mindbody Healing
4 posts
Forgiveness is such an enormous field of possibility.
I recently went through the trials of dealing with an understaffed, for-profit hospital system as I tried to keep my husband alive when his heart was failing. For huge segments of time, I lived in the free-fall of not knowing if he would make it.
All of it seemingly preventable – if only there was a functioning and responsive system.
I caught myself sliding down the chute of churning resentment at the inept, greedy, “all about money at all cost to the patient” “health-care” system. I might even be right about that assessment. But the bilious acid in my stomach was a sign of my own inner working gone awry.
And this is where forgiveness enters into all this. Because – the reality is – this is the system we have here. To not fight reality is a deep form of forgiveness.
To forgive does not mean “do nothing.” To do the best possible, given what is true in any moment, keeps us on track for right action. Being assertive in the face of the resistance of the system is what kept my husband alive. But not arguing with reality in a frenzy of anger means that we allow “Thy Will Be Done” in the bigger scheme of things.
In the end (meaning – at the moment) it has worked out. He did get a pacemaker in time. He is still beside me on the couch as I write this. And I have a new magnitude of gratitude for the fact that this is so.
My husband will die someday. I’ve been granted a window of realizing what that will be like. A taste in advance. And meanwhile, accepting each moment as it shows up will likely keep me alive and well longer, too!
Mindbody Medicine recognizes that the choices we make in life are dependent on what is going on in our minds. But are there specific things we can do to help change maladaptive habits? Here are a few suggestions to get started:
- Recognize when a behavior is a bad habit. We may have, over time, conned ourselves into believing that an extra glass or two of wine (beyond the recommended one for women and two for men) every night is harmless; or the “few” hours a day we spend surfing social media no big deal. But when we look at the facts of our lives as facts – perhaps as a neutral third person (or maybe even better, as our meddling Aunt Matilda) – we can see a behavior or two that, if changed, would lead to better health. Remember that better health includes mental health.
- Choose one small, specific behavior change. Rather than saying, “I want to spend less time on social media”, say “I will limit my social media time each day to ‘x’.” instead of “I need to move my body more”, try “I will walk every day for 15, 20, 30 (you choose) minutes.”
- Turn it into a commitment with specific anchors. When you get on social media, set a timer. Call a friend to walk with you or put it in your Outlook as a scheduled item. Choose a smaller plate for your evening meal and fill it 2/3 full.
- Reward yourself in healthy, feel-good ways. The accomplishment, itself, will be and feel like a major reward, and that may be enough. But you could add the extra treat of a new pair of pants when you achieve a desired weight; or a dinner at a special restaurant when you hit 40 minutes of walking daily for 3 consecutive weeks.
According to a study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, it takes 18 or more days for a person to develop a new habit. And it can take up to two months for a new habit to become an established part of your life.1
You can do this.
1https://www.healthline.com/health/how-long-does-it-take-to-form-a-habit#base-figure