MaryAnn Iyer, MD | Category: truth

Forgiveness

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Forgiveness. We know it matters, but golly it can be hard to do. Most religious traditions focus on forgiveness as an essential part of the spiritual path, but it matters for our personal health, too. Beyond the obvious discomfort we experience from an inner roiling diatribe, it is literally hard on the heart. “Held-in hostility” has been linked to heart attacks, and difficulty healing if we have one.

The challenge, of course, is that though we may be willing to forgive, we can’t will it to happen. There are things that can help: realizing we are only hurting ourselves can help shift the inner tide. Turning the whole mess over to a Higher Power to deal with justly (and letting go of our idea of what justice should be) helps. Finding ways in our own lives we have been less than perfect along similar lines as the offender is a good thought process.

I created a CD with a guided imagery to help this process. In the name of contributing to a positive spin in the world right now, I am giving these away free of charge. (I do ask, please for postage). If you or someone you know could benefit from this, please do take one – and pass it on.

Free CDs

I am sincerely hoping this may contribute to good. And chime in on the comments if you have added thoughts, suggestions, helpful advice for us all.

Face, Embrace, Allow Space

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I’ve been using the FEAD technique a lot lately. This came to me in a meditation many years ago and has stood the test of time in my life. I find there is no limit and nothing too big to apply this to. Divine Grace can transform anything – any obstacle or concern we have – into an easy flow. I call this my “True Self”. It is the barnacles of confusion of our minds that distort an inner urge into a contorted concern. What do I mean by that? If we couple a natural and healthy impulse for fulfillment with a belief that is counter – such as “it is impossible” or “I am not worthy/deserving/capable” it creates an inner tension that is painful. To open this to Divine Grace is to allow for the possibility of something you have not yet been able to see from the contorted space. This allows for the fulfillment of the original desire because there is Space. Room to move, grow, expand, negotiate, fulfill.

FEAD yourself differently. Here’s what I mean:

1) Face it: Whatever is troubling you; wherever you feel the tension, anxiety or pain inside – pause right there and see if you can get a deeper, more full sense of this place in you. Relax all around it and let it be. Face it squarely, with full permission to be there just as it is. Approach this place of discomfort with a sincere curiosity. There is something awry here, in this which is you, and you want to know at a deeper level what that is. Amazingly, as we do this, there is safety around a part of us which has historically felt rejected, shut off and abandoned. Simply because we approach this area of ourselves and lives with interest, the pain often begins to abate.

2) Embrace it: Go one step further. Approach this place of pain and offer it loving acceptance. Let it be there with the full understanding that pain requires kindness, not rejection. Treat it as if it were a hurting child. In many ways, it is. The healing begins here. As that which has been rejected feels itself being pulled back into the fold of the living with your warm embrace, it instantly begins to relax in a way that is uniquely healing and nurturing.

3) Allow Space for it: As you continue to breathe deeply, embracing that which is hurting, begin to loosen your grip somewhat. Give it permission to be there and simply allow space for it. Not the space of abandonment in which you turn your back on this part of you which is suffering – but a warm fully loving and safe space. Compassionate space. Within you, develop the capacity to love each part so much that there is room to breathe, be and evolve. This means dropping the self-criticisms and judgments which have been aggravating the problem all this time. It means allowing room for change where in the past you may have begun a cycle of self-punishment. Try this: just focus all your attention on breathing into a compassionate space around the area of pain. And watch with gentle curiosity.

4) invite Divine Grace: A last important step in this process is to invite an awareness that surpasses what you have known to be possible to this point into the picture. We want to change old repeating patterns that have caused you and others harm. Sometimes this means not only allowing space, but inviting new ideas to enter into that space. Whatever your belief system, invoke that which is beyond what you currently know to be possible. This expands the space into dimensions of possibility that your conscious mind has not yet realized, and is the basis for deep and lasting change of what has heretofore been a stuck place in your life.

Telling Ourselves the Truth

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We are confused sometimes about what to do in a troubling situation. Our own truth seems to elude us. There is a New Age propensity to “never say or think anything negative lest we create it.” That’s fine if it helps us to get out of a chronically negative groove of habitual thinking. However, to the extent that attitude causes us to cover up or deny an inner state needing our attention we can go awry in our decision making.

If fear, for example, is running rampant, don’t hasten to cover it over with bravado. Stop. Face it. Pause. Breathe deeply and let the cold sinews run through you. Open your heart to know what is needed – truthfully – given your circumstances in life right now. Be patient with yourself as you accept the facts on the ground. You might not like them, but let them guide you aright.

We can never get out of a prickly thorn patch if we pretend it isn’t there and keep forging deeper into it. We have to be honest with ourselves. Look with clarity first – then choose a path – not from the fear, but acknowledging it and looking carefully to check for validity of the concern. Address the concern, if need be, or realize we have been needlessly fearmongering if that is the case. Amazingly, once we authentically deal with the fear, it will no longer sabotage our efforts.

Only in this way can we base our decision making on truth, and thereby live truthfully. On path for who we really are. Be with yourself, deeply and gently right where you are. It matters to notice this – the experience of this moment. It is, in the end, all you will have ever had.