MaryAnn Iyer, MD | Year: 2022

Taking Care of Ourselves

fulfillment gratitude Happiness Joy Kindness mindfulness possibilites Serenity

We often have the idea that in order to take care of ourselves we need something special – out of the ordinary. Something big enough to stand out.

But that idea can set us up for frustration if we are not able to get away. It is when we learn to appreciate the small things – the sunrise (and really – isn’t that huge? Every. Single. Day.), a bird’s sudden first chirp in the fresh, crisp spring morning, the cat curling up with sudden onset purring next to us – that we have a chance for ongoing nourishment through the course of our days. Often what goes missing is gratitude. What makes the difference between a good day and bad one is the rise of irritation vs gratitude for the impact of things that occur to us.

Sometimes there are unforeseen difficult events that grab our focus for extended periods of time. We feel like we are stuck in survival mode. Like a sudden health emergency with ripple challenges. These things happen no matter how careful we are or how “perfectly” we conduct our lives. Especially during these times, having nurtured a capacity for noticing and appreciating the “small things” in our lives can get us through.

This doesn’t mean never go on retreat. It just means don’t depend on that as the only way to nourish yourself. Try this experiment: each time you notice a rise of irritation today, counter it with what you can authentically feel grateful for in that moment. See how that shifts your internal sense of the moment with such minimal effort.

Nourishment often really is best served up in small bites.

Forgiving Reality

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Forgiveness is such an enormous field of possibility.

I recently went through the trials of dealing with an understaffed, for-profit hospital system as I tried to keep my husband alive when his heart was failing. For huge segments of time, I lived in the free-fall of not knowing if he would make it.

All of it seemingly preventable – if only there was a functioning and responsive system.

I caught myself sliding down the chute of churning resentment at the inept, greedy, “all about money at all cost to the patient” “health-care” system. I might even be right about that assessment. But the bilious acid in my stomach was a sign of my own inner working gone awry.

And this is where forgiveness enters into all this. Because – the reality is – this is the system we have here. To not fight reality is a deep form of forgiveness.

To forgive does not mean “do nothing.” To do the best possible, given what is true in any moment, keeps us on track for right action. Being assertive in the face of the resistance of the system is what kept my husband alive. But not arguing with reality in a frenzy of anger means that we allow “Thy Will Be Done” in the bigger scheme of things.

In the end (meaning – at the moment) it has worked out. He did get a pacemaker in time. He is still beside me on the couch as I write this. And I have a new magnitude of gratitude for the fact that this is so.

My husband will die someday. I’ve been granted a window of realizing what that will be like. A taste in advance. And meanwhile, accepting each moment as it shows up will likely keep me alive and well longer, too!

Forgiveness

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Forgiveness. We know it matters, but golly it can be hard to do. Most religious traditions focus on forgiveness as an essential part of the spiritual path, but it matters for our personal health, too. Beyond the obvious discomfort we experience from an inner roiling diatribe, it is literally hard on the heart. “Held-in hostility” has been linked to heart attacks, and difficulty healing if we have one.

The challenge, of course, is that though we may be willing to forgive, we can’t will it to happen. There are things that can help: realizing we are only hurting ourselves can help shift the inner tide. Turning the whole mess over to a Higher Power to deal with justly (and letting go of our idea of what justice should be) helps. Finding ways in our own lives we have been less than perfect along similar lines as the offender is a good thought process.

I created a CD with a guided imagery to help this process. In the name of contributing to a positive spin in the world right now, I am giving these away free of charge. (I do ask, please for postage). If you or someone you know could benefit from this, please do take one – and pass it on.

Free CDs

I am sincerely hoping this may contribute to good. And chime in on the comments if you have added thoughts, suggestions, helpful advice for us all.