change

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4 Steps to Changing Habits

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Mindbody Medicine recognizes that the choices we make in life are dependent on what is going on in our minds.  But are there specific things we can do to help change maladaptive habits? Here are a few suggestions to get started:

  1. Recognize when a behavior is a bad habit. We may have, over time, conned ourselves into believing that an extra glass or two of wine (beyond the recommended one for women and two for men) every night is harmless; or the “few” hours a day we spend surfing social media no big deal. But when we look at the facts of our lives as facts – perhaps as a neutral third person (or maybe even better, as our meddling Aunt Matilda) – we can see a behavior or two that, if changed, would lead to better health. Remember that better health includes mental health.
  • Choose one small, specific behavior change. Rather than saying, “I want to spend less time on social media”, say “I will limit my social media time each day to ‘x’.” instead of “I need to move my body more”, try “I will walk every day for 15, 20, 30 (you choose) minutes.”
  • Turn it into a commitment with specific anchors. When you get on social media, set a timer. Call a friend to walk with you or put it in your Outlook as a scheduled item. Choose a smaller plate for your evening meal and fill it 2/3 full.
  • Reward yourself in healthy, feel-good ways. The accomplishment, itself, will be and feel like a major reward, and that may be enough. But you could add the extra treat of a new pair of pants when you achieve a desired weight; or a dinner at a special restaurant when you hit 40 minutes of walking daily for 3 consecutive weeks.

According to a study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, it takes 18 or more days for a person to develop a new habit. And it can take up to two months for a new habit to become an established part of your life.1

You can do this.

1https://www.healthline.com/health/how-long-does-it-take-to-form-a-habit#base-figure

Why is Mindbody Medicine Important?

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Dan Buettner did all of us a great favor when he set out to answer the perennial question: what keeps some people healthier, longer?  By finding the longest-lived people on earth, and spending time with them, observing their habits and lifestyles, he isolated specific commonalities among these groups.  His books grace us with the wisdom he and his team gleaned from this research.1

The Power of Nine from “The Blue Zones” as these groups have come to be known, invite us to examine our lives along specific opportunities for change.  Plant-based eating and not over-eating, moving our bodies regularly, spending quality time with friends, embracing our purpose in life, downshifting, belonging to “our tribe” and a faith -based group all contribute to our health and wellbeing.

The question I have sought to answer throughout my career is: What is in that “in-between space” that gets in the way of our translating what we know to be true into action in our lives?  For instance, we may be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t know that smoking is bad for you.  Yet, any one of us can easily find multiple people who smoke.  Why is this? Many of us know intuitively that to not overeat, move our bodies daily, and seek friendships with like-minded people will help us be healthier.  If we feel stuck, unable to take action on what we know is true, it is time to seek the answer within.

I came to understand the influence of beliefs on health through my years of doing primary care.  I realized early on that no matter how much education goes into nutrition, exercise, smoking/not smoking, etc., that there was a disconnect between the cognitive awareness and the behavior.  We estimate that roughly 80% of what ails us has to do with lifestyle choices.  And the decisive factor in our behavior?  Our very personal beliefs – about ourselves, our capabilities, and how we fit into society. 

The way we behave reflects our particular internal messages.  Some individuals tell me they would get angry if stopped at a train when running late. Another person might get afraid.  So, here we’re starting to bore down into our unique responses to the same stimulus. 

Human beings have the amazing capacity to create perceived danger in our mind based upon our history and associations.  We each have our own unique way of reacting when we feel anxious.  We have enormous variance in our backgrounds.  We usually make decisions before we’ve gotten all the current facts. 

I am often asked if it is possible to change this internal wiring. 

The simple answer is, “Yes, it CAN be changed”–but not with just talk therapy.   Once we find the history, we still need to dismantle its grip on our actions.

Mindbody methods such as insight meditation, yoga, the FEAD technique3, and mindbody counseling help us gain awareness to the sensations that we have associated with certain belief structures.  When we find the operative belief in its simplest form and question it – dare to allow that things might be different – we start to have an experience that is also very different.  At this point, the overall pattern begins to change.  That’s the basis for the field of neuroplasticity.   

Science continues to catch up to our common wisdom:  the way we think, what we believe, and our fears and anxieties affect our wellbeing.  And they affect it through what are now well documented chemical pathways: hormones, stress reactions, and our immune system.  Our sense of wellbeing and the entire internal chemical milieu of our bodies are modulated by our response to perceived stress.  In the human creature, the word “perceived” is particularly relevant.  It’s relevant to any species, but the human creature has the capacity to perceive danger a little more creatively.  We have the enormous capacity for self-reflection – with all its nuances of bringing in the past and embellishing the stories of our lives – for better or for worse.

1Buettner, Dan. The Blue Zones: 9 Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest. Washington, DC: National Geographic Society; 2008.

2Excerpted from the article, “Mindbody” by Mary Ann Iyer, MD.  The full article, with examples of these layers of influence, can be found at: https://maryanniyer.com/articlesbydr.wal.html,  for free download.

3 https://maryanniyer.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/FEAD-It-Differently.pdf

Board certified in Internal Medicine, Dr. Mary Ann Iyer has practiced Mindbody Healing since 1982.  She has led hundreds of workshops and seminars in various forms of self-exploration to find – and change – our blocks to healing.

Face, Embrace, Allow Space

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I’ve been using the FEAD technique a lot lately.  This came to me in a meditation many years ago and has stood the test of time in my life.  I find there is no limit and nothing too big to apply this to.  Divine Grace can transform anything – any obstacle or concern we have – into an easy flow.  I call this my “True Self”.  It is the barnacles of confusion of our minds that distort an inner urge into a contorted concern.  What do I mean by that?  If we couple a natural and healthy impulse for fulfillment with a belief that is counter – such as “it is impossible” or “I am not worthy/deserving/capable” it creates an inner tension that is painful.  To open this to Divine Grace is to allow for the possibility of something you have not yet been able to see from the contorted space.  This allows for the fulfillment of the original desire because there is Space.  Room to move, grow, expand, negotiate, fulfill.

FEAD yourself differently. Here’s what I mean:

1) Face it: Whatever is troubling you; wherever you feel the tension, anxiety or pain inside – pause right there and see if you can get a deeper, more full sense of this place in you. Relax all around it and let it be. Face it squarely, with full permission to be there just as it is. Approach this place of discomfort with a sincere curiosity. There is something awry here, in this which is you, and you want to know at a deeper level what that is. Amazingly, as we do this, there is safety around a part of us which has historically felt rejected, shut off and abandoned. Simply because we approach this area of ourselves and lives with interest, the pain often begins to abate.

 2) Embrace it: Go one step further. Approach this place of pain and offer it loving acceptance. Let it be there with the full understanding that pain requires kindness, not rejection. Treat it as if it were a hurting child. In many ways, it is. The healing begins here. As that which has been rejected feels itself being pulled back into the fold of the living with your warm embrace, it instantly begins to relax in a way that is uniquely healing and nurturing.

3) Allow Space for it: As you continue to breathe deeply, embracing that which is hurting, begin to loosen your grip somewhat. Give it permission to be there and simply allow space for it. Not the space of abandonment in which you turn your back on this part of you which is suffering – but a warm fully loving and safe space. Compassionate space. Within you, develop the capacity to love each part so much that there is room to breathe, be and evolve. This means dropping the self-criticisms and judgments which have been aggravating the problem all this time. It means allowing room for change where in the past you may have begun a cycle of self-punishment. Try this: just focus all your attention on breathing into a compassionate space around the area of pain. And watch with gentle curiosity.

4) invite Divine Grace: A last important step in this process is to invite an awareness that surpasses what you have known to be possible to this point into the picture. We want to change old repeating patterns that have caused you and others harm. Sometimes this means not only allowing space, but inviting new ideas to enter into that space. Whatever your belief system, invoke that which is beyond what you currently know to be possible. This expands the space into dimensions of possibility that your conscious mind has not yet realized, and is the basis for deep and lasting change of what has heretofore been a stuck place in your life.