fear

4 posts

From the Diary of a Doctor

Many patients tell me they awaken at 3 in the morning and can’t get back to sleep. Most want a sleeping pill to help silence the incessant yammer of voices that plague those early morning restless hours.

I’m familiar with these morning hours and their demons. With the conscious constant stream of busy thoughts subdued in sleep, the deeper subconscious set gets into action, rising to the surface as dreams or yammer. When the cacophony gets loud enough to wake us up… there we are, alone with the racket. It can be daunting.

Mystical religions and traditions through the ages have used the 4 AM marker as the time to awaken to begin prayer with the tacit understanding that it is a most powerful time to focus on subduing the voices that injure us. The lies, misunderstandings, negative warps we have in life that have been sublimated because they don’t fit the image we want of ourselves in the world come to surface then.

This makes this prime time for change, too. Self-reflection then can feel like looking at ourselves through a shattered hall of mirrors, but it is a rich time for release of what no longer serves us if we but use the tool at hand for this purpose. Most of us canter through our days at such a frenzied pace that we keep these shadows lurking far enough back in the closet they don’t detract from our pace. But lurk they do, and when the early AM hours dredge them up for review we honestly have an opportunity staring us in the face.

So what to do? First know it for what it is. Just because the cacophony is loud does not make it true. Honest self-reflection does not mean to believe all you hear bouncing around in there at that dread time of night, What it does reflect are the hidden crevices of anxiety, dread and fears that we harbor. Good to know this.

If you have a tradition of prayer or relation with Divine this is helpful. If not, use the notion of “Truth”. Invite this in. This means do nothing. Stand still. Don’t fight. But don’t believe the storm of noise, either. In the midst of the racket, invite Divine Light – the Truth in. That’s it.

The flies in the face of all or most of our training – to engage with the fury of a warrior and fix it. Do something. In this case, that increases the stress because we’d be shadowboxing with our own delusions to start with. Instead breathe deep, and invite re-orientation with the Truth (and this is hard) – not really knowing for sure what that is. Of course not. That’s the original problem in this part of our murky minds. We got confused on one part or another way back when and infinite stories get conjured up along these fault lines in perpetuity. So – give it up.

This is the opportunity in these early AM hours when we awaken in the midst of self-generated misery. Stop fighting it. Don’t ignore it. FEAD [https://maryanniyer.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/FEAD-It-Differently.pdf] – Face, Embrace, Allow space, invite Divine grace.

By normal AM waking hours, you will find yourself re-oriented – with a big chunk of historical confusion cleared from your psyche. If you do this, it truly speeds up the process enormously. You will be re-oriented to a much better day.

Prayer for the Season: Free

I feel time passing.

May I yet know the Truth.

And may it set me free.

Free of the mind that chatters.

The thoughts that chain.

The beliefs that bruise

the very soul of this mortal life.

May I be free of it all.

Unencumbered by hate,

By the violence of my own mind.

Free of greed and fear and jealousy

That speak of a small quivering heart.

Free of it all.

May I be open and graceful,

Grace filled and – free.

Finally, truly – free.

Amen.

The Enneagram

The Enneagram –

Kaleidoscope of

Personality nuances

     The prism through which

we live our lives.

To breathe, unfettered

     through every angle

Afforded by

     the multifaceted gaze –

We rest in the serenity of knowing

     the perfection

 of Creation – as it is.

Delight in the Unconditional love

     that is as surely present in

and around us as our very breath.

Know assuredly that we have the value

 of simply being the one and only

     authentic self we really are.

And in that – dare to transform as an

  ever evolving unique expression

      of the Divine.

We trust our inner guidance

  to give us what we need

    when we need it.

And feel the inner clarity of knowing

  without doubt or fear.

We know deeply that we are grounded

  in Being, Itself.

And need have no fear in the changing

   nuances of the apparent reality in which

 we live.

The Joy of that Being bubbles up

 within us as the ecstasy

   of living this life as a gift

And we draw our strength

  from the simplicity

and full honor of being an essential

    part of the Divine.

In the end, we know the wholeness

   of all things

such that every breath in and out are

but expressions of the Supreme face

        of God.