MindBody Medicine

11 posts

Face, Embrace, Allow Space

change Divine Grace emotional health fulfillment Happiness Inner Value Mind-Body Healing MindBody Medicine mindfulness possibilites True Self truth

I’ve been using the FEAD technique a lot lately.  This came to me in a meditation many years ago and has stood the test of time in my life.  I find there is no limit and nothing too big to apply this to.  Divine Grace can transform anything – any obstacle or concern we have – into an easy flow.  I call this my “True Self”.  It is the barnacles of confusion of our minds that distort an inner urge into a contorted concern.  What do I mean by that?  If we couple a natural and healthy impulse for fulfillment with a belief that is counter – such as “it is impossible” or “I am not worthy/deserving/capable” it creates an inner tension that is painful.  To open this to Divine Grace is to allow for the possibility of something you have not yet been able to see from the contorted space.  This allows for the fulfillment of the original desire because there is Space.  Room to move, grow, expand, negotiate, fulfill.

FEAD yourself differently. Here’s what I mean:

1) Face it: Whatever is troubling you; wherever you feel the tension, anxiety or pain inside – pause right there and see if you can get a deeper, more full sense of this place in you. Relax all around it and let it be. Face it squarely, with full permission to be there just as it is. Approach this place of discomfort with a sincere curiosity. There is something awry here, in this which is you, and you want to know at a deeper level what that is. Amazingly, as we do this, there is safety around a part of us which has historically felt rejected, shut off and abandoned. Simply because we approach this area of ourselves and lives with interest, the pain often begins to abate.

 2) Embrace it: Go one step further. Approach this place of pain and offer it loving acceptance. Let it be there with the full understanding that pain requires kindness, not rejection. Treat it as if it were a hurting child. In many ways, it is. The healing begins here. As that which has been rejected feels itself being pulled back into the fold of the living with your warm embrace, it instantly begins to relax in a way that is uniquely healing and nurturing.

3) Allow Space for it: As you continue to breathe deeply, embracing that which is hurting, begin to loosen your grip somewhat. Give it permission to be there and simply allow space for it. Not the space of abandonment in which you turn your back on this part of you which is suffering – but a warm fully loving and safe space. Compassionate space. Within you, develop the capacity to love each part so much that there is room to breathe, be and evolve. This means dropping the self-criticisms and judgments which have been aggravating the problem all this time. It means allowing room for change where in the past you may have begun a cycle of self-punishment. Try this: just focus all your attention on breathing into a compassionate space around the area of pain. And watch with gentle curiosity.

4) invite Divine Grace: A last important step in this process is to invite an awareness that surpasses what you have known to be possible to this point into the picture. We want to change old repeating patterns that have caused you and others harm. Sometimes this means not only allowing space, but inviting new ideas to enter into that space. Whatever your belief system, invoke that which is beyond what you currently know to be possible. This expands the space into dimensions of possibility that your conscious mind has not yet realized, and is the basis for deep and lasting change of what has heretofore been a stuck place in your life.

Three questions to ask yourself to be happy

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We live in a country in which our right to the pursuit of happiness is enshrined in our very constitution. Coopted by the advertising industry as a key-in to get us to buy more stuff, the concept of happiness has become glued to acquisitions.  But does that work?  Do more knick-knacks, cars, or hair gel make us happy?

I suggest three important questions to bore down more deeply into our happiness quotient:

1) What do I need?

Be realistic here.  What do you really need this very moment?  Beyond taking in your next breath what do you need – right now?  If we expand the question a little, you’d likely come up with such things as food, shelter, and so on.  The question then is not what kind of food, shelter, etc. you want.  It is – what do you need?  Keep it simple and basic and be very honest with yourself.  Usually, this list is pretty short.

2) What do I want?

Centering in and finding out what we want in any given circumstance is a good thing.  Knowing our preferences keeps us on track for our truest self when faced with choices.  The problem arises when we struggle with a set of wants against a backdrop of perpetual dissatisfaction.  If we think we can’t be happy until we get every single thing we want – we’re doomed to unhappiness.  Why? The list never ends. In case you haven’t noticed, every want is followed by the next. Our advertising industry thrives on this fact and does its best to insert whatever product they are marketing into the queue as “essential.”. 

3) What do I crave?

In like fashion, but amped up a notch, craving sets in when we work ourselves into a frenzy over what we really, really, really want – and thereby create an internal belief that a want is a definite need. Closely akin to all-out addiction, cravings leave us desperate for what we want.  And soon after the last “hit” wears off, the agitation starts up again.

The bottom line is that when we confuse wants and cravings as needs – and believe that what we want is essential, we create suffering for ourselves. 

Often, ironically, focusing on meeting true needs grants us a serenity that is only disrupted by agitating about not getting our wants met.  If we focus on first getting our needs met, then allow our wants to guide choices when we have them, and then see our cravings as a spiritual exercise we find ourselves settling into contentment.

What do I mean by “spiritual exercise” for craving?  By focusing on our needs first, we find ourselves truly focusing on our breath – a deeply spiritual exercise unto itself.  By noticing that our cravings are stirring up the pot we enter another level of spiritual awareness wherein we can see clearly how we are creating our own suffering and misery by devoting so much mental space to these things.  To what end, really?  Will acquiring these things truly make us happy?  Closely akin to any other addiction, typically the acquisition of that which we crave gives only a short, temporary reprieve to the agitation before it stirs up again.  Therein we see the nexus of our suffering is the agitation, itself.  To allow this to dissipate without taking it so seriously as “essential” is one of the greatest sources of relief we can find.

Best of all is when we find an authentic space inside of us in which we truly want what we have.  And come back to what we really need:  this breath.

Helping from Serenity

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So often people equate panic and distress with caring.  But, really, how helpful is this?  In my experience, those who flutter around all in a twitter when I am in need are just an added drain to my dwindled resources.  I would rather be alone.

By the same token, those who equate being in a dither and rage about world conditions with caring are confused.  To accuse the serene of being obviously “uninformed” is to confuse mental agitation with somehow being helpful.  It is not.

It’s easy to do – get in a dither.  The anxiety of an event is the first thing to hit, often.  And to spin off in an attempt to rid ourselves of the uncomfortable sensations of this is natural.  But there is another way.

There is a place of serenity inside, deep enough to be unruffled by the passing turmoil of the world.  Find this place – sink deep within to notice that Life, Itself, is nourishing you.  Whatever action comes from this space is clear, intentional, precise, and helpful.

For us each to find the place where we can greet the day with equanimity and even curiosity is such a gift.  To ourselves – and the world.