MaryAnn Iyer, MD | Category: Inner Value

OK As You Are

Feeling as if we are somehow “not good enough” is the source of so much suffering. Comparing ourselves to others or to some pre-conceived idea of who or how we should be creates in us a particular type of anguish. We turn against our very own self.

What is it in our training or enculturation that should set us up in this way? Regardless of where it comes from in our makeup, it is worth looking at as an internalized source of suffering. If there is any push inside ourselves to have to prove ourselves – even a little bit – we are dealing with the shadow of belief that we are not good enough.

What is the remedy? No matter where the notion came from, the clue for what helps is the recognition that now the voice is inside of us. Inside. It is possible now, with no external contradiction to turn toward yourself with gentle kindness. Really. Are you really not OK as you are? Look at yourself carefully. This precious Being trying so hard.

Love this person. See how that is.

Open up to the possibility that you – as you are – are meant to be exactly this. In fact, you are needed to be as you are. Life has such a fascinating myriad number of forms, each necessary for the whole. You are no exception.

Embrace each full moment, with its unique facet of amazing Life smiling at you. This is it. This – right in front of you right now – this is it. Life – dancing a dance of eternal self-recognition.

Inner Focus

change Inner Value Mind-Body Healing mindfulness Pssibilities

There is so much conflict in the world right now. So many individuals with ideas of how things should be – with little to no interest, it seems, to hear an alternative narrative. With siloed sources of information and the rallying cries of support for one side only, we become immune to the humanity of those with an opposing view.

Paradoxically, coming to a place in which we can listen to one another requires learning to actually hear ourselves. Not with a harshness – but with a sense of honesty about our own vulnerability. Our own fear of loss – maybe even of our very own selves – as defined by our position. Fundamentally, the remedy to what ails us is to become more self-reflective. More aware of our own inner state. Many tell me they already know all about “mindfulness” – but I don’t see the evidence. It is the application beyond the intellectual understanding that will make a difference here.

This is challenging. Why? Because the racing thoughts of our anxious mind are addictive. Akin to a caffeine fix they can keep us stimulated and feeling alive. To sink back down into the wake of our boat’s movement can be frightening. Immediately the fears that have been chasing us in our pell-mell flight start to careen to the surface. The apparent evidence for our agitation immediately comes back to support our previous state.

Notice, notice – this breath. This moment. Right where you are. This is the difference between knowing about and applying mindfulness. Attending to the inner state can be disruptive. In the pause we discover our own contribution to the malady at hand. Yet, this is the essential first step in healing the addictive disruption of our times. Notice what you bring to the table – the the conversation. Notice the influence of your state of being.

Learning to pause. To stop. To take in the environment both around us and within us in any given circumstance is the prerequisite to make long-lasting and necessary change. We must know the actual circumstance with the precision of accuracy to know the actual proper next step in any situation. And to recognize our own self in all of this.

Let go of the idea of mindfulness as something you already know. Practice, practice.

How You Spend Your Life

Inner Value

We have one short life. How do you want to spend it?

I know those who say if you are not upset, you’re not paying attention. And if you’re not watching the news non-stop, you’re not keeping up on things. I disagree. Yes, the world may be crazy – but what about your mind? Yes, it would be normal to have an internal reaction/response to some of the recent events in our country. But, to keep regurgitating/upsetting your own internal state of affairs – that’s on you. How does this help anything? In fact, it creates harm in its own unique way. Internal dysfunction adds to the injury of the original event. I notice I start to avoid those in constant states of agitation as being part of the overall turmoil of the time.

This is not to be confused with not doing anything. Sometimes our internal responses of anguish or anger to injustice do motivate us to take useful action. But notice – if you are in a stew and constantly replaying harmful events in a circuitous mental loop – this is harming not only you but adding to the dismay of those around you.

Try this: take one day – just one whole day – with no media. No T.V. No smart phone, checking the news. No computer. See how that goes. How you feel. Can you do it? Can you see/feel the characteristic sensations of addiction creep up if you don’t check these things?

To the extent that what we are “keeping up on” is simply feeding the addiction of constant adrenal stimulation it is not healthy. It is not truly helping – anything or anybody. Instead, we can center down deeply inside ourselves and ask: “What is the one thing I can do, say, or be right now that can contribute in a positive way to this situation at hand?”

We have one short life. How do you want to spend it?