Happiness

10 posts

Face, Embrace, Allow Space

I’ve been using the FEAD technique a lot lately.  This came to me in a meditation many years ago and has stood the test of time in my life.  I find there is no limit and nothing too big to apply this to.  Divine Grace can transform anything – any obstacle or concern we have – into an easy flow.  I call this my “True Self”.  It is the barnacles of confusion of our minds that distort an inner urge into a contorted concern.  What do I mean by that?  If we couple a natural and healthy impulse for fulfillment with a belief that is counter – such as “it is impossible” or “I am not worthy/deserving/capable” it creates an inner tension that is painful.  To open this to Divine Grace is to allow for the possibility of something you have not yet been able to see from the contorted space.  This allows for the fulfillment of the original desire because there is Space.  Room to move, grow, expand, negotiate, fulfill.

FEAD yourself differently. Here’s what I mean:

1) Face it: Whatever is troubling you; wherever you feel the tension, anxiety or pain inside – pause right there and see if you can get a deeper, more full sense of this place in you. Relax all around it and let it be. Face it squarely, with full permission to be there just as it is. Approach this place of discomfort with a sincere curiosity. There is something awry here, in this which is you, and you want to know at a deeper level what that is. Amazingly, as we do this, there is safety around a part of us which has historically felt rejected, shut off and abandoned. Simply because we approach this area of ourselves and lives with interest, the pain often begins to abate.

 2) Embrace it: Go one step further. Approach this place of pain and offer it loving acceptance. Let it be there with the full understanding that pain requires kindness, not rejection. Treat it as if it were a hurting child. In many ways, it is. The healing begins here. As that which has been rejected feels itself being pulled back into the fold of the living with your warm embrace, it instantly begins to relax in a way that is uniquely healing and nurturing.

3) Allow Space for it: As you continue to breathe deeply, embracing that which is hurting, begin to loosen your grip somewhat. Give it permission to be there and simply allow space for it. Not the space of abandonment in which you turn your back on this part of you which is suffering – but a warm fully loving and safe space. Compassionate space. Within you, develop the capacity to love each part so much that there is room to breathe, be and evolve. This means dropping the self-criticisms and judgments which have been aggravating the problem all this time. It means allowing room for change where in the past you may have begun a cycle of self-punishment. Try this: just focus all your attention on breathing into a compassionate space around the area of pain. And watch with gentle curiosity.

4) invite Divine Grace: A last important step in this process is to invite an awareness that surpasses what you have known to be possible to this point into the picture. We want to change old repeating patterns that have caused you and others harm. Sometimes this means not only allowing space, but inviting new ideas to enter into that space. Whatever your belief system, invoke that which is beyond what you currently know to be possible. This expands the space into dimensions of possibility that your conscious mind has not yet realized, and is the basis for deep and lasting change of what has heretofore been a stuck place in your life.

What nourishes you?

What nourishes you?

                Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.

                Do you feel nourished?  Nurtured?

Bring great gentleness to this question, because it matters. 

If you touch a tender place with this – stay there.

                This is the place to bring the breath of kindness.

We can do this for ourselves.  If we think we can’t, that then becomes the question:  what keeps me from doing that simple thing for myself I most long for?

Take your time with this.  What better use of our lives than to become the kindness we long for?

Quiet Time for Reflection

Winter: a time of quiet reflection; longer nights; inward focus.  The time of earth when sap runs slowly, trees rest, bears hibernate, birds migrate, and humans go berserk in a frenzy of holiday shopping, booze, and parties.

Wait.

What just happened?

OK, here’s the deal: we get to decide how we do this.  Amongst the hidden blessings of last year’s COVID-quiet, forced though it was, is the realization many of us have how much we enjoy less busyness in our lives. So, the real question on the table is how well we can define our boundaries and make choices that are authentic for us. 

Many years ago, I began what has become an annual tradition of taking a silent day every Winter Solstice, to reflect on my priorities and to ask myself whether my life choices were aligned.  I invite you to consider something like this.  A scheduled, dedicated “time-out” from the hustle and haste to ask yourself:

“What do I feel truly has value in this life? And in my life, specifically? Are my actions aligned with this?”

Meanwhile, Happy Holiday to you – in whatever way you choose to indulge.