Mary Ann Iyer

31 posts

Being Spiritual

emotional health Forgiveness gratitude Kindness possibilites Serenity spirituality

A friend was recently complaining about not being able to have spiritual conversations with her sister. Even though this particular woman isn’t exactly great at communicating, she cares for their mother, volunteers at a number of charities and has sent my friend money when she wasn’t making enough to make ends meet.

I used to think that to be spiritual looked a certain way. I’ve chosen friends and relationships based on whether I felt understood or able to communicate on my own terms.  Even worse, I have judged others for the ways they don’t line up with my idea of “spiritually evolved.”

But I wonder.

The image we have of what spirituality should look like – how often do we question that?

My image has mostly centered around an unruffled, peaceful countenance and basically infinite equanimity. Since I and no one I know actually ever quite fits that image it has given plenty of free fodder for the harsh critic in my mind.

I’ve wondered though – where does the raging part of the river fit into that schema? The turbulent waves of a storm?

Aren’t they all part of this – God’s great world?

I also notice that when I embrace every single aspect of what arises in me as – just that- yet another aspect of the creative force at work, I get ever so much (paradoxically) calm about it.

The thing is, when there is room – for it all – we do feel more peaceful. We aren’t trying to push away anything. Which takes energy and creates tension.

This isn’t to say we should not use discernment in who we hang out with or with whom we develop deep relations.

But, sitting in judgment – there’s the boil.  When we realize that inherent in their lives, every person is suffering – in some big or small way, it becomes easier to accept them where they’re at. And to accept with equanimity each thing – inner and outer – there is the peace we’ve been seeking.

There truly is room for it all.

Unplugging

emotional health fulfillment Kindness Mind-Body Healing mindfulness possibilites Serenity

I have the profound good fortune to have an EMF (electromagnetic field) emissions sensitivity severe enough that I avoid over-use of technology.  It was quite a trek of research to figure out the source of my symptoms, but it turns out this malady has proven to be a blessing.  For instance, it protects me from the incessant “junk-food” of the mind through taking in too much media. I notice a fair amount of the anxiety in those I know and love is fueled by the mental toxins taken in through technology addiction. 

My EMF sensitivity also means, when I am on the phone with someone, I am tied to the landline and actually attending to the conversation.  Almost every person I know is casting about for what else to be doing while they’re on the cell phone – and not really attending to the person with whom they’re conversing. I hear it in the neutral “uh-huh” – and lack of response to what was actually just said. Or the pots and pans rattling or water running.

If you just can’t shake an inner restlessness or sense of unease – start by stopping.  All social media or any media input. No. more. “stuff.” Crammed into your mind space.  Focus on a few good deep clearing breaths, then ask your deepest most innocent self what would be nourishing to your simple joy-state right now.

I hear from some that they fear losing track of what is going on if they’re not “plugged in” all the time. How can you keep current with media and keep sane and not do anxiety and fear? Spend two to five minutes inside – find a spacious calm, THEN – read the news and take in what you must.  This helps you broaden your perspective as you read.  And if you’ve already seen it – get off!

It seems we’ve forgotten how to be deeply present with this or any moment. Fueled by an ever-increasing incessant hum of activity – virtual and otherwise- our neurons are too excited to take a seat at the table. An interesting medical fact is that the leading cause for insomnia these days is use of technology – “screen-time” – too close to bedtime.

Above all else, practice kindness. To your own precious self.  CHOOSE what you take in – from amongst the abundance of possibilities.  And – for an experiment – try completely unplugging for a stretch of time.  Decide in advance how long you want to try this – and just see how you feel. Ask – what is nourishing to you – and do that for a period of time. I’d love to hear how that goes.

Taking Care of Ourselves

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fulfillment gratitude Happiness Joy Kindness mindfulness possibilites Serenity

We often have the idea that in order to take care of ourselves we need something special – out of the ordinary. Something big enough to stand out.

But that idea can set us up for frustration if we are not able to get away. It is when we learn to appreciate the small things – the sunrise (and really – isn’t that huge? Every. Single. Day.), a bird’s sudden first chirp in the fresh, crisp spring morning, the cat curling up with sudden onset purring next to us – that we have a chance for ongoing nourishment through the course of our days. Often what goes missing is gratitude.  What makes the difference between a good day and bad one is the rise of irritation vs gratitude for the impact of things that occur to us.

 Sometimes there are unforeseen difficult events that grab our focus for extended periods of time. We feel like we are stuck in survival mode. Like a sudden health emergency with ripple challenges. These things happen no matter how careful we are or how “perfectly” we conduct our lives. Especially during these times, having nurtured a capacity for noticing and appreciating the “small things” in our lives can get us through.

This doesn’t mean never go on retreat. It just means don’t depend on that as the only way to nourish yourself. Try this experiment: each time you notice a rise of irritation today, counter it with what you can authentically feel grateful for in that moment. See how that shifts your internal sense of the moment with such minimal effort.

Nourishment often really is best served up in small bites.